Disclaimer: Some names have been changed, and some details omitted; hospital names etc.
Note: I had the pleasure of experiencing a hypomanic episode while on medication, though I know they aren't always pleasurable. But this one was, I have never gotten so much done, wow, it was quite an experience. Medicine has helped a lot, I now have my judgment back, and no longer go into stranger's houses/basements to buy things, poor business transactions, or ride my bike in the early morning. :) It has been ~2.5 weeks and things are better.
11/5/10
BEFORE THE HOSPITAL
At about 3AM that morning I had planned on taking my bike for a ride, but my friend was there to caution me against it. The urge was very strong, and kept re-entering my mind. It took all of my willpower to fight the urge. I had done it before, I was not afraid, no one could/would hurt me. I was irritated with him. Why did everyone keep saying it was a bad idea? What is wrong with them? It was a great idea. I fell asleep for 3 hours, then woke up, nervous. I was anticipating my appointment with a new psychiatrist. I did not know whether the therapist was male or female, I hoped female, fervently. I attended my Friday class, luckily I was recording, because of course I absorbed nothing. When I am in this state, I am very unproductive. I start many things, and don't finish them. It exasperates my Mom immensely.
I arrived at the appointment, a little late, I might add. Very energetic, and most likely talking extremely fast. Though I can't tell. My weight and blood pressure were both taken. I sat in the lobby, fidgeting and restless. My eyes were flitting around the room, again and again, finding something new every time they decided to roam around. Finally, she came, I was relieved. She invited me into her office, and began asking questions about my mood, voices, and beliefs I had. I told her that my mood was very high, and I heard my family's voices at times when I was alone, calling my name. It scared me, and caused my heartbeat to race. I believed that people could read my mind, but of course would not say they could. That if I spit on the ground they would clone me, that the university I attended was watching all of us through the mirrors, and I avoided mirrors as much as humanly possible, and my family was in danger for frequenting Facebook, I feared there was a Facebook-killer. She asked if I had ever self-harmed, I told her once, a superficial cut that did not even bleed. I did not take drugs or alcohol, or smoke. The usual questions. She then recommended hospitalization, and I was shocked, and insisted that I was fine. I couldn't believe she actually thought I needed to be hospitalized, I felt excellent! With 2 weeks of normal mood in between, I had just come up from a 4.5 month depression. What was she thinking!
IN THE HOSPITAL (GETTING A MEDICAL CLEARANCE)
My 21st birthday! I had planned on a peaceful day with my family (specifically requested) and a baked cake; but instead I got the recommendation of hospitalization, a ride with a police officer—which was quite scary, because I wasn't convinced he was a real officer. I believed he was an impostor, who would kill me or not deliver me to my destination, so I fired question after question at him, hoping to get information on how to tell a real cop from an impostor, he had passed my test and I thought that perhaps he was a real cop—, a 6 hour wait, a safety sitter (who despite her title was younger than I, which irritated me, at least give me a babysitter who is OLDER than me) and an ambulance ride. My thoughts were extremely fast and scattered...
hospital,tool,screaming, warm blanket, I'm so happy!, I wonder what my family is doing, otoscope, what is beeping?,tympanic membrane,I can't believe I am going to the hospital, cake, radius, ulna, RAUL,(a mnemonic I used to remember which one is which on my arm),5:30,medical clearance,I feel fine, FOCUS!,are they reading my mind?, plan,cake,tiles,bright lights, what is that device above my head,I wonder if it will fall,yellow cake,PLEASE BRAIN SLOW DOWN!,7:50,they are making a mistake,loud ticking clock,do they know my plan?,poor woman, should I turn on these electrical paddles(I picked them up, they are very light),band-aids,paddles burn,no drinking, Charlie St. Cloud,they know my plan, they are pretending they don't,I hope they haven't cut my cake,how do you turn on these electrical paddles,cake,cool machine, magnifier,tool,I feel fine,why are they making such a big deal?...and on and on. I admit cake was a recurring thought, I had been anticipating it for 2 weeks...
constantly moving, tapping with my ID and library card, tapping on my body, anything to release some of this energy, which never waned the entire 6 hours. Standing up, sitting down, moving, moving, moving. Smiling, very happy. In a hospital gown, of course. Answering questions, with every new doctor, I give less and less information. Irritated that they came in, and asked the exact same questions, wondering why they are asking because they can read my thoughts. Very happy and somewhat irritated. The safety sitter had a boyfriend with bipolar disorder, I was curious, because this was my possible diagnosis.
The hardest part was the CT Scan, I've never felt more tortured than having to attempt to be still in the machine, while my body was screaming to move. Every muscle was jumping as I consciously willed it to calm down. Reminding myself that a CT scan is the equivalent to 2 hours of sitting in the sun, and I didn't want to repeat this process. I was surprised at the funny smell, and the pain in my head the scan produced. Irritated, because the technician would not let me see my own brain, a policy. I hated policies.
I had a “birthday dinner” of ham, juice, and crackers. After denying food twice, the nurse mentioned something along the lines of a tube to feed me, so even though I wasn't hungry I ate the food slowly. It didn't have its usual flavor. I love ham, but this ham wasn't enjoyable. Just a necessity that I hadn't welcomed. I was in a very good mood, so all of this birthday disrupt was taken, for the most part, with a toothy grin, and a laugh.
After numerous vials of blood, a full body check-up, EKG, and brain scan, they concluded that my symptoms weren't because of some physical ailment. At 11:30p I was put in an ambulance, policy, which wasn't necessary, loosely strapped down, and driven 1 hour away to a hospital with an open bed.
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